December Stress Out’s!

Today I feel less stressed then I have over the last few day it’s been so stressful this week, first I got into a fight with my stepdad where I ended up calling the cops on him and my mom kicked me out because she took his side over mine can you believe that I’m her god damn daughter flesh and blood and yet she took his side over mine, ouch. Then three days later she texts me apologizing and asking me to come home after saying I’m no longer welcome in her home, does she think a simple I’m sorry and I love you will work this time she must but it won’t because I’m done. So done. I can’t live there anymore it’s not healthy for me in fact it’s not healthy for anyone but she chooses to stay in an emotional abusive relationship and I can no longer do that. Hell whose to say he won’t do that to my brothers, shit this guy really pisses me off like literally. So today I’m going to apply for Manitoba housing I know it seems like a low life but at least its not welfare but hey you got to do what you got to do to survive right? Plus I am going to be nineteen anyways so I’ll need to move out sooner or later and I prefer to do it now instead of waiting until it’s too late, well today is my payday and I’m going shopping I need to have a good day and not stress for a while, plus I’m still confused about this guy I like he says he likes me and has always liked me since BC but he was my ex best friends boyfriend and now baby daddy of 2, one from my ex best friend and one with a chick that just dumped him.  Supposedly we are dating right now but I don’t want to get my hopes up because I always end up hurt in the end anyway, in September of 2014 he’s supposed to come see me for two weeks but I highly doubt that’ll happen but I kind of hope it does, guess I have to wait and see don’t I?

I really like this guy because every time we talk my heart skips a beat and he makes my stomach feel all tingly like butterflies are trying to escape and every single time I feel that I become afraid of loving not because of who he is but because of what I’ve seen my whole like with relationships but I realize not all of them are like that and I really need to start giving it a chance and I feel like he is the one to take chances with but could I be wrong? Most people say love is worth the pain but is pain worth the love? I guess that’s something I’ll need to figure out on my own, I’ve only been in love once and she broke my heart and when I thought I was inlove with D I realize I wasn’t it was just my hormones and a connection we shared because we had similar lives, with D I followed my head and my urges for him, with Kay I followed my heart with her but with E, I will follow both my head and my heart this way I won’t end up regretting anything and this way I can succeed. Now I know what things to watch for and what signs to notice, I will gain the strength to be happy and fall in love again and I will gain strength to live on my own and survive in this world because I am ME and I will succeed.

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