February 2014 will be officially two years since I’ve quitt cutting, a lot of people don’t think cutting is something you can become addicted to but it is. infact anyone can become addicted to anything it’s just the matter of what. In the two years of being sober seems like I’m a different person becasue I am and not just physically but emotionally as well, don’t get me wrong I’ve had those urges and god was it hard to fight them but I did and in the two years of being sober I’ve felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders since I had been a cutter at the age of thirteen all the way through to seventeen years old I can defiantly feel see and feel a difference. Though if I hadn’t gone thought it I’m not sure what road I’d be on to this day but it sure was a struggle. I had thought the whole time I was alone and all I had was my writing but in reality I had much more than that I had myself I had friends & family who supported me and some didn’t even have to know I was a cutter. At the time when I was cutting I first felt like I didn’t care what others thought then I became insecure and started to hide them and when people noticed I freaked out which just made me cut more. Being in that state of mind was a haze but I also realized some things I’ve never noticed about myself and that’s when I started to question my self and intentions. In 2012 I was starting senior year and I was attending counselling, see the first step to recovery is realizing you have a problem, then it’s the asking for help that becomes more difficult than realizing it, but I got it and in away I regret it only because it wasn’t the right type of counselling I needed, but in the end I only stayed for a couple months anyway once I got out I went on anti depressants and then got off them. once I was off I had become a bit happier, I began to notice my mood changing day by day then I became more aware of what I liked and what I wanted in life, I also found other ways to cope.
Writing has always been my number one strategy and with others I’m a great listener so I began to talk all while trying to listen, then I found others like myself who’d been cutting and one of whom I was really close to. She had actually told me once I stopped and my first reaction was “what the fuck” but then I realized she won’t want to be judged unless that’s the way I want to be judged because there are many reasons why people cut the number one is depression, and that’s something I understand more than some. Instead I decided to help her get clean from the disease, and I was willing to do whatever it took to help her. and I did. Writing and listening all while talking has helped me cope even in the most stressful positions but I still get the urge to cut but I know I’m stronger than I was and I will never go back into my past. Realizing this I also figured out I was born to be a writer, and I wanted to take psychology and addictions/advice counselling and if helping others who need it is free of charge I don’t mind I prefer to help then watch them ruin their life or die. Two years have passed and I’m more mature, more open and more of a great helper/ listener and I’m very proud that I had gone through such a life changing effect to get where I am today 🙂