Two Years of Sobriety

February 2014 will be officially two years since I’ve quitt cutting, a lot of people don’t think cutting is something you can become addicted to but it is. infact anyone  can become addicted to anything it’s just the matter of what. In the two years of being sober seems like I’m a different person becasue I am and not just physically but emotionally as well, don’t get me wrong I’ve had those urges and god was it hard to fight them but I did and in the two years of being sober I’ve felt a weight lifted off of  my shoulders since I had been a cutter at the age of thirteen all the way through to seventeen years old I can defiantly feel see and feel a difference.  Though if I hadn’t gone thought it I’m not sure what road I’d be on to this day but it sure was a struggle. I had thought the whole time I was alone and all I had was my writing but in reality I had much more than that I had myself I had friends & family who supported me and some didn’t even have to know I was a cutter. At the time when I was cutting I first felt like I didn’t care what others thought then I became insecure and started to hide them and when people noticed I freaked out which just made me cut more. Being in that state of mind was a haze but I also realized some things I’ve never noticed about myself and that’s when I started to question my self and intentions. In 2012 I was starting senior year and I was attending counselling, see the first step to recovery is realizing you have a problem, then it’s the asking for help that becomes more difficult than realizing it, but I got it and in away I regret it only because it wasn’t the right type of counselling I needed, but in the end I only stayed for a couple months anyway once I got out I went on anti depressants and then got off them. once I was off I had become a bit happier, I began to notice my mood changing day by day then I became more aware of what I liked and what I wanted in life, I also found other ways to cope.

Writing has always been my number one strategy and with others I’m a great listener so I began to talk all while trying to listen, then I found others like myself who’d been cutting and one of whom I was really close to. She had actually told me once I stopped and my first reaction was “what the fuck” but then I realized she won’t want to be judged unless that’s the way I want to be judged because there are many reasons why people cut the number one is depression, and that’s something I understand more than some. Instead I decided to help her get clean from the disease, and I was willing to do whatever it took to help her. and I did. Writing and listening all while talking has helped me cope even in the most stressful positions but I still get the urge to cut but I know I’m stronger than I was and I will never go back into my past. Realizing this I also figured out I was born to  be a writer, and I wanted to take psychology and addictions/advice counselling and if helping others who need it is free of charge I don’t mind I prefer to help then watch them ruin their life or die.  Two years have passed and I’m more mature, more open and more of a great helper/ listener and I’m very proud that I had gone through such a life changing effect to get where I am today 🙂

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7 Comments

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  1. Congratulations on almost two years! I will be four years free of it in March, I believe. I started losing track of the years. I still think about those days from time to time. Life is so much better now. I actually just got a tattoo over the scars on my arm which says: “We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken.” I hope 2014 is your best year yet. 🙂

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  2. Thank you, yes I feel alot better I could never lose track because I basically based my life around that situation because that is how obsessed I was with my addiction but now that I’m sober I look back and think wow I was really messed up, Im actually writing a book based on my life and what I was like in those recent years to my recovery and am planning on getting a few tattoos one of which will cover my scars as well “live,love,laugh” and then a few more but congrats on your sobriety thatsw great four years and counting 🙂

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  3. Hey beautiful story! I was never a cutter but I used to self medicate through food and other addictive situations. Emotions are hard to deal with since we are told it’s wrong to feel like we are worthless but I think once more people start to acknowledge how feel inside it will make us all a little more human.
    Thanks for the follow,
    Mardy

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  4. Thank you, yea I had many issues when I was cutting I had the thought’s of an eating disorder but I love food to much to be anorexic or bulemic I tried but it didn’t last but I also had the problem with self medicating by smoking pot and eating as well but once I stopped cutting I became more aware of the problems I had and began to work on them. I’m still in the process of finding myself my main resolution for this year is to beome more comfortable with myself in my own skin. I am becoming more happy with my life but things are still hard don’t get me wrogn there are times where I really wanna cut but I know I can do better than that this life has more wonders and experiances with much more gratitusde to feel and I’m slowly becoming alive 🙂 thanks for the comment

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  5. I think you are already there where you want to be so congratulations. Self awareness is the gift of living a more thoughtful life. Loving the imperfections that make us all so perfect. So, keep sharing your story it’s beautiful.

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  6. Well thank you so much that means a lot to me 🙂 and I plan to share it for many years to come with others who struggle with the similar issues

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