Ready Or Not????

I almost made a huge mistake, I was going to do it I was I just wanted to get it over and done with I’m twenty and still a virgin I guess its ok at my age but personally I am mentally more mature than most my age so why did I stop myself. I met this guy over Instagram  which turns out he was the one commenting on my pictures and things trying to  hit me up, at first I was kind of like yeah whatever then I got interested. He ended up being in my area of town and we have started to talk over the last three days I knew what he wanted I just got caught up in the attention which always happens I also told him I was a virgin when he asked how many guys I’ve been with because I don’t mind I have been single for more than three years now and still haven’t had sex or anyone since my ex though I am way over her. I think I am ready for everything to happen I feel good about myself most days I’m becoming more confident in my body, and I have been focusing on my self all I need is a boy friend or girl friend for things to get better.  Honestly I feel like I don’t want a relationship though its too much work to keep stable too much to do to be together and when you have a friend with benefits both your needs are fulfilled with no strings, the only thing there’s a piece of you that wants to be loved the right way still, I wanted to wait till I was in love but that happened already and she broke my heart I wasn’t ready then and now I am. I contemplated the pros and cons of going to meet this guy and  sleeping with him he said he didn’t mind taking my v-card so I got excited someone was willing to take it for me just because that seemed like a good idea but when I rethought it I felt dirty that I would do something so low to just have sex. Yeah I wanted it over and done with and but did I want to be a slut while doing it or wait till I was in love and not regret it. Who knows if I will ever fall in love again or even ever I don’t want to die a virgin I know there’s nothing to be ashamed of being one but I am honestly why, I have no idea maybe its because what this generation perceives on the world or if its personal, either way I don’t know. Tonight I was going to meet him after only talking for three days sleep with him and what wait for him to call or txt back to do it agiain or just get thrown away and used like a hooker except no money for the job, was I really considering being dirty I mean some people do it but not me that is not who I am is it? I guess I wouldn’t know until I tried but I wont because I can wait it does however bother me that I have no one to care for me or willing to take it and fall for me I guess I have to wait I just hope I don’t make a mistake and take the wrong path and wait forever because theres no such thing as happy ever after or is there?

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