Lately I have been having really bad anxiety, my depression is acting up again and I’m becoming very impatient with a lot of things, I cry over the littlest things if I’m not already pissed off about them everything has become numb to me. I am currently unemployed looking for part time work so I can start school in January 2015 and I’m stressing because I need the money to pay for the laptop I’m using to write this blog, I need to pay my cell phone bill, I need a bus pass to get around to look for jobs or even go to an interview, and I need to buy my anti-depressants which are expensive and yes I know that is life why do you think I am trying to find a job, but recently everything I apply to that is “hiring” hasn’t called me for any interviews but now that I am away from town for two weeks I receive three calls for an interview at three different places but for some reason I want to ignore them and just say I am still looking, why it’s just an interview I probably wont even get the job right? well I guess I wouldn’t know because I didn’t bother going but a part of me really wants to go for them and try because hey you never know I might get it but I am also scared of being judged by my lack of skills or looks, some times even I feel as if I don’t fit the position they are looking for but is this just my depression and anxiety talking or do I really want to miss out on an opportunity for a job that I might or might not get? plus its only part time and its an interview I can’t stand not having any money or being bored this is probably what’s leading into my depression again. I just want to be happy and feel good and make money and go to school to succeed and show I am stronger than my conscience to fight my depression but then sometimes its stronger than me and it holds me and that bothers me more. I recently started taking anti depressants as of today I had the prescription since the 5th but like I said I have had no money to get them until today because I told my dad about my anxiety attack yesterday the whole day I felt in a numbness crying for small things stressing and trying to ignore the thoughts in my head but nothing worked so I needed to let it out. today I feel better but im debating on the interviews or not I think I will decide by tomorrow if I miss out I will be so pissed but if I don’t I hope I do really well and hopefully get one of the three jobs that called me if not I will freak out. wish me luck I hope this works and so do these meds.