Confusion of him  

That night I wasnt expecting anything I just wanted to hangout with an old friend, but he kissed me first and he said he missed me then asked if I missed him, I did sort of. I missed talking, I missed his good morning messages and his good night calls, a friendship that turned into a fling but then got complicated. That night on the drive to his house (my first time there) he reached and held my hand, I didnt even nudge and at first I was uneasy but then I felt fine. He held it the whole time and even squeezed it once or twice, we drove in silence and then ocassionally had a conversation. Once we arrived he opened  the door and we began to makeout, things were on again after months of not hangingout and barely talking it felt as if we hadnt left. The only issue, I was finally getting over my feelings for him that I knew he never had for me.  I brushed it aside and we have sex, this time it was different, slower, more  intimate. I of all people, should have known better since I am always the one telling my friends to use protection yet that night we only used it after the first time, it felt nice being with him again even though the other two times he never got me off. This time was different. He went slow,  we kissed and touched, it was becoming clear to me that this was different than the last the times, this was more intimate which suddenly became awkward for me.  Why must he be so confusing, I stopped him and asked him if all I was good for was sex, he said no that I was a good person, beautiful friend, we were friends and that things were different now. I then asked him what that meant and he never responded. As we continued our session he asked if I wanted to make a baby and I denied it then he kept asking are you sure, why not, Ill take care of you. When I knew exactly that he wouldnt and that I didnt want a baby or sti, because lets face it hes been with others. So when he came he pulled out and then he wore a condom later on and each time we had sex it was very slow and steady and very intimate. Afterwards we cuddled and listened to music which were (ironicly) romantic songs, he kept asking me again to stay the night and sang “Im with my baby now”. As I lay on his couch covered in a blanket I watch him walk around naked, perfectly content, and then I realize this is an issue. Something was different and I wasnt sure if it was good or bad. More music played most of it romantic, I didnt want to think things but sometimes what he says confuses me. If we are friends with benifits I need to know the boundaries, I didnt want to fall for him again and get hurt once again.  Why kiss me, why tell me you miss me and then ask if I missed you, why invite me over and ask me to stay the night, why reach and hold my hand, why have slow intimate sex, why sing “Im with my baby now”, why listen to romantic music, why cuddle with me, compliment me and ask me if I wanna make a baby and say youll take care of me when I know you wont, why play me your guitar and sing for me, why kiss me goodbye at your door and hold my hand again in the car on the drive home and kiss me goodbye again. Why does he say things to me and act a certain way and then do the complete opposite later and expect me not to fall for him again. He confuses me, he acts as if we are together and you want me but then say you just want FWB. We need to make boundaries, I need him to know that if he has no romantic feelings and for me and for me to not get those for him, he cant say or do things for me to fall for him again. I can deal with just sex and being friends but if thats what it is then nothing else should happen, because I need to know if I am reserving myself from heartbreak again. 

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