Heartbreak motivation

Did I fuck it up? I must have, I usually do. I think to much and care too deepley its a dangerous combination to have, esp with anxiety. I went into this not even wanting these feelings and yet I got them… why is it usually the woman who gets them I wish it were the opposite. I can hardley breathe when I think about what this could mean if we arent friends anymore, Im going to miss him but why did this happen? I pushed him away by not wanting to push him away, I caused to much drama when I didnt even want that shit in my life. Maybe thats all I was ever really good enough for he told me there was much more but is it the truth can I ever be good enough for more will I ever be good enough for more? It hurts just thinking of saying goodbye but hes not even my boyfriend, he was a good friend that I caught feelings for after a few sessions of late night conversations and hangouts, the confusion of him got my mind twisted. Why did we connect why did this happen for the result to only get burned in the end, never play with fire even if its a small flame because eventually itll burn you if you play to long. Im thankful for what we had while we had it, happy at that but confused as hell because I never expected it to happen. Do we ever?  Maybe one day we will be friends again, we were good friends not even dating but it sure feels like a break up, it hurts just as much, Ive been through 2 break ups before and it feelt just like this. But is it really a break up? I mean we never “dated” so what were we because we def werent just friends with benifits. All I wish for him is the best, I look out my window staring at the road we once drove down together twice its now just a memory stuck with me forever. Things happen for a reason, people come in and out of our lives for reasons, some last longer than others but theres always a reason  and theres always an experiance with things and people whether you leave on good terms or not. You never want to loose friends especially the good ones but it happens and theres nothing you can do no matter how hard you try to stop it. It plays out like that for reasons you wont understand until the future if its meant to be understood. Lessons are learned, experiances are found, people come and go, but our journeys continue. Its not the end of the world even though it may feel like it in that moment it wont last long, eventually youll be okay and ready for your next adventure. People play a weird part of your lifes journey and its only the beginning, dont get lost on one road, find a few you wont regret it because this is the life that was meant for you destiny cant be controlled its drawn from your knowledge, your past and experiance and whats to come. You will make it, just live…. ❤


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